What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 00:01
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So whats the point in blame.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
What is the estimated number of people with an extra X chromosome?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im still living with it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why are people becoming increasingly hostile to pro-lifers? I am pro-life.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Would this be the day?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I think the readers, may guess!
Why do many men like women's breasts?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But, we were locked up after school.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She wouldn,t have been !
This is soul school!.
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The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
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He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She was in good health!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was 9 years of age.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She found it foreign!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
What did i know ?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Comes on , in middle age.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I waited trembling.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We were not on the streets..
I could never make a relationship work though!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But ive been too sick for many years..
When she asked me how she looked .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He knew the spot.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So, i spoilt her more .
He resisted the act ,that day.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She loved him until the end.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It was going to be , some day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was seconnd youngest,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I don,t even have a pension.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I will be 64.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Was to survive, this bastard.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I have no regrets .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
All the time i was locked up.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One cannot live in the past .
I was very sick at this time too.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I write beautiful poetry .
Put me off passion for life!!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She married twice! .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And i lived it daily.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My life is so biszare .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Who then, do I blame.?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We all went to grammer schools
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was scared of men, in general
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But it wasn’t much.
Ive learnt so much.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
(And it was in our own minds.)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As i do to all so called friends.?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My family never makes their pension either.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I said to her